Amber told me that her 18 year old son Dan had no common sense. “He just doesn’t get it,” she stated. “He always seems to make bad choices. I tell him what he is doing will not work but he just won’t listen. He doesn’t listen to anyone, he always thinks his way is right.”

Dan’s story is not unusual. Many of our youth act and behave in ways that do not seem rational. This inability to make sound decisions gets in their way of achieving success. They seem to be their own worst enemy. Things that seem so obvious to us just seem to escape their attention. “It's just common sense, for goodness sake!”

 

When I question parents about what they mean by common sense, the answers seem to follow regular themes–poor choices, impulsive behavior, lack of attention, and a close-minded attitude. Over the years I have asked hundreds of people from commercial fishermen and construction foremen to teachers, parents, and employers, "What is common sense?" Not everyone has the same definition, but everyone agrees that youth don’t have enough of it!

So, what is common sense and how can you encourage it in your children? The common senses would include our five senses–smell, touch, sight, hearing, and taste. Most youth have the five senses–what they don’t have is the ability to meet their desired outcomes.

Common Sense: The ability to think of others and the world around us. Viewing ourselves realistically in the light of the world and achieve our desired results in changing conditions. We do this by being intellectually mature. We make our own decisions after looking at all the available evidence. We are brave and curious and open-minded, really looking for the value in others' points of view.

Think about how you want your youth to stand when they are adults–what behaviours and characteristics would you like them to have? How would you want them to be?

Criticism of our youth’s actions takes little effort–It is relatively easy to pick out flaws and mistakes. Criticism, by itself, is not adequate to move youth toward understanding and independence. It takes more focus.

In all the jobs that I have held over the years, all the learning that I have under my belt still does not give me the knowledge in every life endeavour. I know on a boat it is “one hand for the boat and one hand for you”–common sense at sea. Running heavy equipment requires different application–different common sense.

Encourage youth to make their own decisions. This is can be the sign of healthy inquiry. Carefully review the events, thoughts, and outcomes of the youth while at the same time trying to suspend your own emotion. Coach the youth to look for alternatives and lay out your own thoughts and how you came to them. Be patient, thoughtful, and reflective. Modeling good common sense will encourage the same in the youth.

Building common sense in youth takes time, dedication, and purpose. The youth’s decisions should be, at the least, well reasoned.