As parents, teachers or people involved with youth we are faced with the demands of making our youth happy. Often we hear parents excuse a youth’s non constructive behaviour by saying “Whatever makes them happy”. We use creative tactics to entertain them, we feed them “treats”, cloth them with the latest fashions and give them what they want so that we can be sure that they are happy. We work hard at our tasks and take our job of “making” them happy serious. We often find however that the youth are still wanting more and all that we have provided is not enough. Taking the responsibility on ourselves we then try to up our efforts. New TVs, more computer time, pizza nights.... the list goes on.

The search for happiness is a quest that people are constantly pursuing and is often fraught with disappointment and dissatisfaction. This quest for happiness can lead us to continuously chase more and more material possessions, new fashions, fads or trends. We work out more, make more money, have more holidays, want more rooms in our house, desire more property, more cars, more food, more exercise, more sports, more consumption and more fun. Through our own quest we hard wire our youth to expect happiness through the same process of acquisition- we have modeled behaviours that our youth can copy.

We often find that having more doesn’t relate directly to being happier. Often the happiness we find is only fleeting and gone as quickly as it arrived. Working long hours to buy a new car or acquire a new possession does not often bring lasting happiness.

The latest happiness studies have given us great insight into how to be happy. The findings parallel many of the ancient teaching and show that a reflective, meditative (mindful) lived life can bring lasting happiness. These teachings go against much of our materialistic upbringings.

Our capitalist/growth society says that we want more- bigger- better. We are bombarded by messages that urge us to constantly desire. When we look at media depicting happy people we see someone smiling in the ad when they have a certain product. The popular culture leads us to believe that acquiring possessions will lead us to the land of “Happy”. Imagine if it was that easy! We would only have to possess the depicted product and then- voila- Happy!

When we teach youth to work and tell them to pursue their dreams are we including the concepts that will make them truly fulfilled and happy in their future? Are we providing the youth with the tools that can bring them happiness in life? Are we providing the tools they need to learn the skills to bring them real success. The lessons within lessons. The tools that compliment their life education. The leading question of “what do you want to be when you grow up?” could be answered with “I want to be happy when I grow up”

There are ways we can assist our youth find their definition of happy. As guides and mentors we can encourage thought that will give the youth working tools to find their truth. The list is not conclusive. It does not include obvious like exercise, diet and contributing to the community. The list is meant to stimulate thought, conversation and ultimately promote learning.

Here are 4 ways to teach youth how to obtain happiness

1. Help them to be clear to their purpose
2. Encourage them to choose worthy friends
3. Teach them the the skills to live frugally
4. Show them how to find seclusion for inner peace

Be clear to your purpose

Defining a life purpose will take careful study and reflection. Coming up with a clear definition- one that can be consistent through life’s stages - can be tailored to the individual. Living a virtuous life, living with honor, compassion, generosity, kindness, openminded-ness, thoughtfulness and reflection are goals that can be worthy of pursuing, goals that will take effort and dedication to achieve.

Everything that we do, every activity that we engage in should be in keeping with our intended life’s purpose. Defining our meaning and working toward that end should be inherent in every activity that we pursue. Understand that every moment you experience is only fleeting. Each experience should be savored and appreciated for what it is not just with the eyes but with all the senses.

When we make a meal there is often many different ingredients that make the whole. Life can be viewed the same way- full of many unique flavours. To really experience all that life has to offer will be to taste each experience not just with the tip of the tongue but with all the senses. Youth are taught the importance of understanding that this is the only time that they will be where they are now in time experiencing this moment. Each moment is unique and special. Success would be to live and experience life fully. To fully appreciate every moment, every breath and every feeling. Helping youth stay clear to their purpose will assist with defining meaning even when things are not moving forward like they expect. This quest is a life long, challenging and interesting pursuit.

Choose worthy friends

When we associate with a person we subconsciously absorb some of thats persons values. Shaping our environment through the people in it is important in our youth’s quest for building good character. We can ideally choose to surround our youth with people of character that can support them in their own higher character development. (not always an easy task!) Strong characters will have the qualities of compassion, wisdom, kindness, integrity, temperance and justice and generosity. These people also believe that you can develop virtuous qualities and build strong character through practice and dedication.

These strong characters are actively looking (they believe) in personal growth and development through the process of disciplined and continuous self improvement. These people are important to include in our youths life. The youth is encouraged to watch and copy these people - to use them as mentors and trusted advisors or simply as people to associate with. Through contact with these people the youth will pick up admirable habits. People who do not have the traits that will enhance the youths growth are not encouraged to remain in the youths life.

Many youth will not identify with any role model or mentor. Looking externally for inspiration the youth are constantly reminded of corrupt leaders, hedonistic movie personalities and cheating sport icons- fallen heroes and fantasy games in a world devoid of reason True happiness comes from within the individual. Communicating why some associates are better for the youth’s development helps give them the skills to pick their own admirable friends. Picking virtuous friends will help them understand the importance of their life study.

When the youth have to associate with people who may not be beneficial to them, in a work or educational setting, it may help them to take the role of teacher. Encourage them to imagine themselves teaching these non-virtuous people a better way by their actions and words. Encourage the youth to define how they would like to be measured by others. They will be demonstrating a virtuous life. The youth will hone their practice and empower themselves to move beyond the immediate situation and at the same time maybe setting a positive example for others. Recognizing non- beneficial people (people who do not have positive traits) and then working hard to maintain their own integrity will help them build strength and good character.

Another technique would be to look at the friend/associate and situation and imagine that you are looking at it from a distance- Someone who is not attached to the situation. We call this the disinterested observer. Someone looking at the situation from a distance. This disinterested observer will not be emotionally attached. It makes it easier to not get caught up in the drama.

When it is all said and done it may be in their best interest to change associates rather than hanging with people that will not move them forward. The youth themselves need to understand what moving forward looks like for them and then to remain clear to their purpose.

Keep the mind clear of Negative Distractions

Surrounding your youth with a positive environment will help the mind stay focused on the task at hand. Avoid negative distractions that can hinder the youths ability to grow. This may include some types of media, books, news, and movies. No two youth are the same so what could be a negative distraction for one may not be a negative distraction for another. The youth need to be led to discover clear focus for themselves. We can guide them to make healthy choices based on tangible and measurable observations. Avoid personal opinions and instead create strong positions with evidence to support the youth in their search of truth. A peaceful home life, positive messages and influences will reduce the amount of negative input developing the young minds. Watching violent movies, for example, could condition the mind to the acceptability of the use of force and limit the time needed to build real compassion in the brain. Games, unhealthy competition, TV, home stress, computer use and dirty neighborhoods can also all end up having an undue influence on the youths ability to achieve their full potential. Often I see the potential shining out of a youths eyes. Many teachers have experienced the same feeling. To see the potential “wasted” through poor practice is a loss of human resources both in now time and future hope.

Living Frugally

There is a consequence for what we do. The law of nature states that for every action there is a reaction. This is a key concept to teach to youth. What impact does your habits have on the environment? Understand the consequence of your consumption. Living take a burden on the world. Society conditions us to have more possessions. After a time the possessions can start to own us by distracting from our study and practice. Take only what you need- any excesses should be shared thereby building good generosity practice. Having more does not equate to being happier. This flies opposite to popular culture where having more equates to being happier.

This philosophy of living frugally also applies to eating and health. Understand that good heath starts with proper balanced diet- a diet that does not condone excesses. Eating only what the body needs to maintain optimal health makes sense. Eating more, just because it is there, does not make us happy long term. Short term the eating may give us pleasure but the long term consequence of a diet in excess does not bring lasting happiness- that is achieved through a balanced and frugal existence. Wasting precious time to acquire more than we need subtracts time away from the study and pursuit of the practice needed to attain lasting happiness. There is a real cost to seeking only pleasure. The key word being “only”. Teaching youth through modeling the behavior can lead to deeper appreciation and understanding- an important consideration that will lead to meaningful conversations and observation of their world.

Find Solitude

Seclusion enables you to look at your own mind without the distraction created by other people. Being alone can help you “know thy self”. Many of us are constantly surrounded by others. Bombarded by constant noise, incessant multi media devices and populated spaces we are so used to having our minds engaged in outside stimuli that we miss sight of who we are and why we are. Using solitude as a technique to build our character means that instead of being “lonely” we are using the moment as a practice for insight. A practice like focused meditation allows you to get in touch with your inner thoughts and to become aware of feelings and sensations in the body. Being alone also slows down the pace of the day and removes us from the daily stimuli that becomes us. Learning to be with ourselves is important to build self esteem and find peace. Our youth need to be instructed in the practice of solitude as a means to an end.

Conclusion

When I teach youth they often look at me with hope. Hope that I will show them the way to a happy and fulfilled life when really the formula for happiness lies inside each one of them. This lasting happiness is available both to us and our youth. To achieve this place of peace takes dedication and focused practice. By remaining clear to our purpose of raising a happy child we will encourage them to find solitude, meditate, live frugally, avoid negative distractions and choose worthy friends and mentors . Challenge the premise that wealth and possessions bring happiness and instead focus on the development of the mind. True happiness comes from within. This within part of ourselves needs to be nurtured to grow. If we help and guide our youth to focus on their inner selves by remaining disciplined we provide them with the means to pursue their own state of happy.